Therapy still remains out of reach for many men, and even when men do eventually go to therapy they are more likely to not stick with it long enough to see results. Only about 30% of men with a mental health condition seek professional help, compared to approximately 50% of women (American Psychological Association).
Stigma clearly plays a big role here, going to therapy is seen by many as not a manly thing to do. But there are other factors that impact this such as the serious under / mis diagnosis of male mental health issues with an estimated 30-40% of men with depression going undiagnosed, together with many men’s mental health issues frequently concealed as anger, substance use, violence, workaholism etc.
When men do eventually get into therapy they are more likely to drop out as they feel the therapy is not working, or the therapy style is not right for them.
Given these hefty barriers to both getting into therapy and sticking with it, it makes finding the right therapist even more important. So here’s FELLOWMAN’s take on how to find yourself the right therapist to set you up for success.
1 -Therapy is like dating, figure out your type.
Browsing therapist profiles on many of the popular therapy directories is a lot like online dating used to be back in the day. OK so you don’t get to swipe right or left on your therapist profile but online directories do give you the ability to filter by many different criteria. So, figure out what you are looking for and get to work.. How important is gender? race? sexual orientation? Age? Price? Do they take your insurance or are you happy to pay out of pocket? For me personally, having a male therapist who is older than me has always been the starting point when I look for a new therapist..
So, once you’ve found a few therapists that tick your boxes it’s important to go on a few short dates before you commit to one. Most therapists will offer a short phone call free of charge to give you the opportunity to ask questions and see if you gel and want to work together so don’t be afraid of going through this with a few before you commit to a paid for session.
2- Modalities matter but can confuse, do your homework.
This is where it can get confusing to many people looking for a therapist when profiles are written in therapist jargon and include a whole load of acronyms like CBT, DBT, ACT or complicated psychology terms like existential, psychodynamic, Gestalt, humanistic, integrative.. Blah, blah, blah. How are you supposed to know which one of these is what you need?
First up, ask. In that intro call make sure to describe in detail what your issues are so that the therapist can explain how their approach might work for you. A good therapist will also tell you if their approach is not what you need, and an even better one will give you a recommendation of someone who is better suited to help you.
I’ll be digging into each of the modalities and explaining them in simple terms in a future blog post.
3- You might need a more male friendly approach.
A big reason why so many men don’t have success with therapy is that a lot of therapy is just not very male friendly. This starts out with the huge imbalance between male / female therapists, with around 70% of therapists being female. Now it’s not necessarily the case that men need a male therapist, and many men experience great success working with female therapists - but, and this may be a personal, and quite sweeping generalisation.. I think a lot of men prefer to see a male therapist and there are just not enough of these to go around.
A knock on effect of this imbalance is in the structure of what goes on in the therapy room itself which typically tends to be very open ended, emotional conversations that are hard for many men to feel comfortable with. This is where a more action oriented approach is valuable. Men like structure, practical goals, tangible solutions… we want to think of therapy as a problem to be solved and therapy needs to be framed in a way to empower and motivate men to buy in and do the work. So, if this sounds like you, then find a therapist that works like this and get to work.
4- In person vs online.
With the huge increase in teletherapy in recent years it’s easy to forget that many folks still like to visit their therapist in person each session. And while teletherapy offers additional convenience and access to therapists that may have previously been unavailable, it’s worth considering the trade off between the convenience of teletherapy and the deeper in person connection you may experience from in-person therapy.
Many studies still point to in-person being more effective than teletherapy, especially for more complex conditions like PTSD, severe depression or personality disorders).
5- Think outside the treatment room.
For men especially, and indeed anyone undertaking therapy, it’s not just about what happens in the treatment room. So, look for a therapist that can help directly or guide you to resources that address lifestyle factors that can impact mental health like exercise, diet, sleep and more. It’s also proven that men respond better to non-standard therapy environments so it’s worth looking for this too; therapists that will conduct a session while going for a walk are a great example of a more male friendly, “shoulder to shoulder” rather than face to face format.
Then there’s the whole area of groups which are another really important format for men as they can address both a therapeutic need and a social one. There are a whole host of different types of men’s group, so keep an eye out for this while looking for a therapist as finding one who also runs group therapy could be a major benefit to your treatment.
6- Do you also need meds? Consider an integrated approach between psychiatry and therapy.
If you also take a medication for your mental health, or think you might need to then making sure your therapist and prescriber can talk to each other is really important. The last thing you want is to have an inconsistent approach if you do work with both therapist and prescriber, or worse a therapist that might go outside of their lane and start giving you advice on your meds (which should 100% be left to a qualified prescriber). This could take the form of using a group practice that has both types of provider. Or just making sure that you keep both as informed as possible, let your therapist know what’s going on with your prescriber and vice versa.
Header image photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash